National Tell an Old Joke Day

Knock-knock!
Who’s there?
Boo!
Boo Who?
Try not to cry, it’s just National Tell an Old Joke Day.

What’s the proper response to that? That’s so funny. The last time I heard it I fell off my dinosaur.

Yes, it’s that time of year again, National Tell an Old Joke Day. Please note though old people may tell old jokes, it’s not a day to tell jokes about being old! Do that, and once I find my glasses, I’ll come over and beat you with my cane.  🙂

So I have scoured the internet for the oldest, corniest jokes I could find. If you have other groaners, add them in the comments.

tell-an-old-joke-day

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

Why did the chicken go to the séance? To get to the other side.

Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because the chicken joke wasn’t invented yet.

Why did the cow cross the road? To get to the udder side.

I recently stumbled upon my favorite new sports team. It’s a woman’s bowling squad called 
I Can’t Believe It’s Not Gutter.

What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards? A receding hare-line.

How do you get down from an elephant? You don’t. You get down from a goose.

Why do cows have bells? Because their horns don’t work.

What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack? The best of thymes, the worst of thymes.

There was a man who entered a pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

How many tech-support folks does it take to change a light-bulb? We have a light-bulb here, and it works fine. Can you tell me what kind of bulb you have? OK. There could be four or five things wrong. Now, have you turned the light switch off and on?

How many introverts does it take to screw in a light bulb? Why does it have to be a group activity?

I used to think the brain was the most important organ. Then I thought, look what’s telling me that.

There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down her sneered at me and I thought, well that’s a little condescending.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Just went to an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.

What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, and I don’t care.

Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Because he felt crummy.

Why is there a gate around cemeteries? Because people are dying to get in!

What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite

What would Bears be without Bees? Ears

Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.

How do you keep a bull from charging? By canceling its credit card.

The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.–Miss Piggy

I’d go to the end of the world for my husband. Of course, if he’d just stop and ask directions, I wouldn’t have to.–Martha Bolton

Bumper sticker: Auntie Em: Hate the farm, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.

So there you have it – a collection of boners. Hope you got a chuckle out of a few.

ind more than 9000 inspirational quotes and a link to the Quote of the Day list, as well as quotation related merchandise, at http://www.quotelady.com.

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