On November 8, we celebrate puns. As most know, A pun is a joke that relies on wordplay – words that sound the same but are spelled differently (homonyms), words that have more than one meaning, or idioms (phrases that are not literal). Most puns are short, and there is a selection of them below. But the best, in my opinion, are the ones that make you wait for the punch line that will make you groan. The one below I found on the Democratic Underground Site. There are more where this came from. It is slightly edited for length.
A research group was engaged in a study of longevity and had recently focused their attention on a particular species of porpoise. They came to believe that, if fed just the right combination of nutrients, this particular porpoise could, in theory, live forever.
To put this to the test, they studied the world’s flora and fauna and chose an unusual species of mynah bird. It turns out that the mynah bird in question was quite rare, living only in a single tree in Kenya. The research team finally arrived at the tree only to find it surrounded by a pride of very hungry lions.
To get past the lions, they offered two Cape buffalo. The lions devoured the hapless beasts and lay down upon the grass to sleep and to digest their meal.
One of the researchers then gingerly tiptoed past the lions and captured one of the mynah birds. No sooner had he rejoined the group walked past the lions to rejoin the group than a game warden appeared and arrested him for (what else)…
“Transporting mynahs across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.”
Feel free to groan. If these are your cup of tea, do go to the site. Some are very funny.
Mostly shorter puns.
The first is a bit longer, but it’s an old favorite of mine.
A couple is walking in St. Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve
They feel a slight precipitation.
“I think it’s raining,” says the man.
“No, it’s snowing,” replies the woman.
“How about we ask this Communist officer here? He is always right!” exclaims the man. “Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?”
“Definitely raining,” Officer Rudolph replies before walking off.
The man turns to his wife with a smile. “See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”
And the shorter ones.
Whiteboards are remarkable.
Would a cardboard belt be a waist of paper?
I’m very good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know why.
I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went when it got dark. Then it dawned on me.
I heard a funny joke about a boomerang earlier. I’m sure it’ll come back to me eventually.
Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends, but what would be the point?
I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what, never again.
My friend made a joke about a TV controller. It wasn’t remotely funny.
I saw an advert that read: “Television for sale, $1, volume stuck on full” I thought to myself, I can’t turn that down.
Broken puppets for sale. No strings attached.
I just walked past a shop that was giving out dead batteries free of charge.
If you don’t pay your exorcist, will you get repossessed?
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
The other day a clown held the door open for me. I thought it was a nice jester.
There was a recent study that tried to pinpoint the effect that alcohol had on walking. The result was staggering.
To the guy who invented Zero: Thanks for nothing!
I couldn’t work out how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.
A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, the nurse said: “No change yet”.
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